Thanks...and moving on.

I just wanted to say a quick Thanks to all who posted, called, and offered love and support. I have to admit that every time I opened my comments I cried and cried, but mostly because I felt the love - and I'm a Nielson, I'm not sure how to handle love!

Thanks to those who dropped off treats, offered hugs, and most important - smiles.

Thanks to my sister who listened to the gory details; paid attention to the doctors; walked me to the bathroom so my gown wouldn't blow open; quoted Steel Magnolias with me so I would stay distracted; brought me ice packs, disgusting iron drinks, movies, and more; read and researched to answer my questions; paid attention so I didn't have to; and on and on and on....

Thanks to my mom who spoke her best love language and cleaned my bathroom, vacuumed my floors, and changed my sheets; kept me utterly distracted with mindless chatter; bought us lunch, and toilet paper; gave me a hug that was long and hard, and of her own free will; made me cookies; and sat in the ER waiting room until it was okay to go home...

And so the list could go on, my whole family, my co-workers, my students, my amazing husband, my loving Dad...I shouldn't start, it's like the Emmy's I'll forget someone important...Just thanks...

And with that, I'm moving on - at least on my blog - away from the sappy tear jerkers back to the important stuff like....the bathroom remodel! Look we got the vanity in and painted...

(I know it's SO white, I don't think it's going to last, I can't handle white!)

Loss...

I don't know if this is the right time or place, but the thought of face to face encounter, or phone call sounds dreadful, so I guess I'll use this avenue because there is support in this little blog world, and as I look at my list of friends who read my blog there are many of you who have been here.

We went to the doctor yesterday and found out our peanut is gone. I'm not sure what else to say.

I am one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason, and I do trust that we have a plan laid out for us. My mind knows this but 'I just wish someone would explain it to my heart.' We are trying to move on, and find the positive. I have the most wonderful loving and supportive husband who smiles and laughs and wraps his arms around me. I couldn't make it without him.

I'm not the kind of person who wants long discussions, I'd rather none at all - I'd like to hop on a plane to Hawaii and disappear for a while. Because I know that the first person who asks how the baby is doing will bring me to tears again so I would rather people know.

With all of this, the many tears, the constant reminders, you have to find the purpose and understanding in the disappointment. I know that the trials we go through are intended to make us stronger people. Why do we fall? To get back up again. As I think through the difficulties in my life - from the loss of good friends and relatives, to the grueling hours on the trail - each of those challenges provided me an opportunity for growth. Prince (I know, an odd person to be quoting) once said, "You can't regret anything, it's all part of the experience." I hold that to be true about more than regrets, but all things - we have been given a life full of challenges that make each day worth living, waking up - if only to move past them. And as I look at my challenge, I have to be grateful. I am going through something that so many people experience, and so many people around me understand and can lend support. And this challenge will pass, and our time will come. I have to be grateful that I have a home, a job, an amazing family...I can be grateful that I can paint my bathroom now, and go backpacking this summer (promises have been made).

There is fresh snow on the ground, and the sun is shining.

Another new year...

I must join the throngs of people who hate this holiday - Who does like New Years??? (I was in bed by 10, but Max had me up again at 12, and 1, and 3, and.... anyhow...)

Like it or not, it's here and it's a time to reflect and move on. We've had a good year, we are very blessed in our life and lucky to have our home, jobs, and a great relationship. I can't say that 2008 ended on the highest note what with being sick, job-stress, never-ending remodeling projects, and a very old and dying dog - BUT we are very excited for the guaranteed changes of 2009.

Here's our goals/plans for the year:
1 - The Peanut!!! However she (this is hopeful on Art's part) comes - we're planning on easy and natural (positive thinking works!) - we are so excited to see what she looks like, find out all about her personality, and all the rest of that fun stuff that comes with being a parent! (Me, a parent???)
2 - Sell the House!! We just have about 5 million projects to finish before we list the house in February, and then we are HOPING it sells!!!
3 - Move to Logan.... We're ready for small town living, a cheaper house, USU, and a new adventure.
4 - New Jobs - Art is looking for a new career where he only has to work when he wants, makes lots and lots of money, and can still be a stay-at-home-papa. I am hoping everything works out for me to be the drama specialist at Edith Bowen Lab School, if not I'm good to teach anywhere - but it would be such fun to just be 'dramatic' all day...

- ok, so that all has to be done, here's what we'd like to do...-

5 - Train the dogs!!! Rudy can get away with anything - stinkin' puppy dog eyes!
6 - Go to the temple monthly...
7 - Save money and pay off bills - who doesn't need to do that??
8 - Learn to relax (ok, that's just for me, Art has already mastered this...)
9 - Try to get through the giant stack of books to read so my kids will stop pestering me for a discussion about all their favorite new books...
10 - Take time to enjoy life...You only get one chance, might as well live it happily.

My 5 Happy Things....

1. My Husband - I know, sappy, but you know what, he is pretty amazing to me. Yes he's picky, and opinionated, and leaves a trail of mess wherever he goes. BUT - He loves to spend time with me, that's what he would prefer to do over anything. He loves to just cuddle and talk. He never leaves the house without giving me a kiss, and always comes in with one too! He's romantic, seriously goofy (he rarely reveals this to anyone but me), and always thinking about what is best for me...so yeah, my love makes me happy.

2. My Dogs - Lulu is my baby-girl and she just knows me, we're connected, and when I need something she's always there (she's not so good at fetching my water, or getting me a tissue, but she's still there!) Rudy is our little lover - he has a big heart and tries to always be around to make you happy - And he does occasionally like to sneak onto the couch to give the extra good kind of love. Max - well, he's sad these days, and it breaks my heart, but I still love the guy!

3. When the kids don't want to go home... It's certainly not every day, and definetly not much lately, but sometimes we just have a great day at school and when the bell rings they just don't want to go home. They loiter around until I have to kick them out the door! It feels good to know that I have helped kids learn to love learning. The other day we got to giggling and we just couldn't stop, we all walked down the hall, trying to be quiet but not being able to stifle our giggles... It's a hard job, but the kids make it worthwhile.

4. An Adventure!! I don't get nearly as many as I used to, or as I would like, but I sure do love a good adventure. Planning a trip, taking a drive, seeing something new, exploring unknown territory, even a great shopping challenge - I just love adventures! (Pics are from our trip this summer with the family from Spain, I was the photographer on both, but still part of the adventure!)

5. My Family - the one I've got and the one I'm working on.... I do love to see the fam, and be around them. I've always preferred family over friends. And we're pretty excited about the Peanut (that's the nickname for the baby cause it's the size of a peanut). Thinking about the family that is growing inside me definetly brings a smile to my face!

So there you have it - my top 5 happy things....

Answer to the TV Post...

Well, I don't really like TV, I watch, but mostly just to occupy the mind. There are a few shows I do like to see....

This Old House Hour: Gotta love it, I think it runs in my blood. But it's not on at the most convenient times and we don't have DVR.

Seinfeld and Scrubs: Reruns, but good for a laugh. I am VERY happy Scrubs will be back on in January.

Baby Story etc: If I happen to be home, and they're on, I do love to see a good birth (Heidi's fault!)

Project Runway: I will miss my Project RunGay...It was addicting, and I think Art secretly liked it...

My biggest shame: America's Next Top Model: It's totally ridiculous, and Tyra Banks is an idiot, But it's like a drug and I can't stop! (thank heavens the season is over!)

That's pretty much it, we do watch the Daily Show as our form of one day old evening news, but mostly we watch movies.

Sunday Thoughts

I'm not the real religious sharing type, but I felt like today I needed to be... so here's a change of pace for me.

I recently got released from the Primary Presidency and put in as a Relief Society teacher. (Nothing like a once a month calling as a welcome change.) So today was my day to give the lesson, I had read it a few weeks ago, hadn't gleened much. Yesterday I knew I had to get busy and plan so I read it again and highlighted a few things, but fell asleep before I had much. This morning I got up and again attempted to plan, but I had a very sick stomach and just couldn't focus. So I quickly outlined some thoughts and then proceeded with the less-than-pleasant morning. By the time I had to go to Relief Society my stomach was again upset, but I had no choice so we headed off to church.

As RS began they asked for any 'Good News' for the "Good News Minute", I spoke up and announced to the sisters of our new arrival, and asked for their patience in my lesson. Of course they were excited and optimistic, I was not. For most, getting up to teach causes a very upset stomach and in my condition I was expecting the worst, but as I stood my stomach completely calmed down. And moreso, I had energy, and I could stand and talk and project (all things I have been lacking as I've attempted to teach school over the last few weeks). But more than all of that, my random thoughts came together and spilled out in a lesson that made sense. I shared ideas from the book, got our normally silent sisters (I know - an oddity) to talk and share ideas, and the spirit was so strong. I don't know if it was the best lesson ever given, but it was good, and more than anything I know that the message got across. I had wondered how I would ever fill the time, but I was rushing to fill in my testimony as the last minutes of class ticked away. I know today that I was blessed. I had someone there to help. As I said to Art as we left, when you're doing what's right, the right things happen in return.

So there's my thoughts...the gospel is true, the Lord is good, and we are all blessed.

Fast Forward Christmas

I'm not sure if it's the nausea, or the sunny weather, or the house under construction but frankly I'm just not in the spirited mood this year. I've never "loved" Christmas. I was too young in comparison to my cousins, so by the time I got big enough to remember Christmas Eve programs most of the big kids were about done doing them. And I was the youngest in the house too, so I had to suffer through watching all my brothers and sisters leave until there were a few sad years of just Bud and I, and then I was alone on Christmas morning. I'm not trying to get pity, but being the youngest does change your perspective. Alot of my Christmas memories are of my nieces and nephews, and cousins children (whom are now grown-ups!).

The other major issue is that I also spent the longest time at home which means I have had to unload my mothers 20 giantic boxes of Christmas Crap all through the house helping her decorate year after year. Yes, I complained, but I was still there, even after I moved out. But this over decorating at her house has caused me to be a non-decorator at my house. I have A (ONE) smallish box of Christmas crap. I even have some interesting ornaments we've purchased from around the country, but alas, they are still in the basement and may just stay there this year.

And so I share my bah-humbug (Isn't that nice of me), and I curl up in my blankey and wait for Christmas to be over. I'm not wishing it to pass because I am THAT much of a grinch, but moreso because I'll be through the first trimester come January and I can stop feeling so icky and become a real human again. And so, if you don't see me wearing my Jingle Bell socks and matching appliqued Holiday Theme Sweater you'll know it's because I'm stuck in jammies until the new year.



(PS - I am SO pathetic that the Jewish 5th grade teacher is choreographing our Christmas Sing-a-long this year! I have a wonderful teaching team!)










Authors house NOT pictured. Image represents optimal holiday decorating for those who are not puking.