Monday, May 7, 2012

The Cure for Pregnancy

I've figured out the cure for pregnancy. It's taken me 17 weeks, but I've got it.

Tag-team Baby Carrying


It's that simple. We merely need to be able to move the fetus from one parent to another as needed. I do believe some parameters need to be set. Such as, baby can only be moved from parent to parent, no substitutions in other relatives, friends, or hired strangers. (For DNA/genetic reasons of course) Also, for the sake of creating a stable home, fetus can only be moved once a month (unless emergency situations arise, like one parent gets the opportunity to fly to Nepal and climb Mt. Everest (not that I have that opportunity, but if I did, I would so be tagging in Art))
Don't you think it would be much easier this way?

You see, Art is exhausted. He's been working on this house every day since December. He's done - -ready for a break. But he can't take one because he's the only one working. But me, I've been sitting on my butt (or crouching over the toilet) for months and I am SO ready to tag in and take my turn.

Tonight he had to mow the lawn. I am the lawn-mower in our house, primarily because he is seriously allergic to grass, but also because I don't mind doing it - it's like vacuuming outside, it just looks so nice when you're done. But he says mowing in my condition is not acceptable so he mowed, and I watched Lawn Crashers on HGTV. I would have traded him places in a milli-second, the allergic repercussions alone would be so worth it.

Our basement is also ready to be painted, which is wonderful, except Art isn't much of a painter. I LOVE to get up in the early hours of a Saturday morning, put on a great podcast and go paint in the quiet. I'd have the whole basement done in a weekend. Except, he says it will hurt my already aching back and the fumes won't be good for me, so I can't paint.

Can't we just trade???

He would love to sit and rest all day. He would be so happy to sleep in, then wake for breakfast, but crawl back in bed for 30 minutes to digest so you don't throw up breakfast. He would love to be unable to walk anywhere because you have no breath. He would love eating every two hours, and having to eat things like entire bags of nuts because you're low in protein. I don't think he'd even mind peeing every 30 minutes, it's so much easier for him!

So, if we could just make the whole uterus switching thing possible pregnancy would be cured and life would be so much easier.