I don't know if this is the right time or place, but the thought of face to face encounter, or phone call sounds dreadful, so I guess I'll use this avenue because there is support in this little blog world, and as I look at my list of friends who read my blog there are many of you who have been here.
We went to the doctor yesterday and found out our peanut is gone. I'm not sure what else to say.
I am one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason, and I do trust that we have a plan laid out for us. My mind knows this but 'I just wish someone would explain it to my heart.' We are trying to move on, and find the positive. I have the most wonderful loving and supportive husband who smiles and laughs and wraps his arms around me. I couldn't make it without him.
I'm not the kind of person who wants long discussions, I'd rather none at all - I'd like to hop on a plane to Hawaii and disappear for a while. Because I know that the first person who asks how the baby is doing will bring me to tears again so I would rather people know.
With all of this, the many tears, the constant reminders, you have to find the purpose and understanding in the disappointment. I know that the trials we go through are intended to make us stronger people. Why do we fall? To get back up again. As I think through the difficulties in my life - from the loss of good friends and relatives, to the grueling hours on the trail - each of those challenges provided me an opportunity for growth. Prince (I know, an odd person to be quoting) once said, "You can't regret anything, it's all part of the experience." I hold that to be true about more than regrets, but all things - we have been given a life full of challenges that make each day worth living, waking up - if only to move past them. And as I look at my challenge, I have to be grateful. I am going through something that so many people experience, and so many people around me understand and can lend support. And this challenge will pass, and our time will come. I have to be grateful that I have a home, a job, an amazing family...I can be grateful that I can paint my bathroom now, and go backpacking this summer (promises have been made).
There is fresh snow on the ground, and the sun is shining.
