I don't know if this is the right time or place, but the thought of face to face encounter, or phone call sounds dreadful, so I guess I'll use this avenue because there is support in this little blog world, and as I look at my list of friends who read my blog there are many of you who have been here.
We went to the doctor yesterday and found out our peanut is gone. I'm not sure what else to say.
I am one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason, and I do trust that we have a plan laid out for us. My mind knows this but 'I just wish someone would explain it to my heart.' We are trying to move on, and find the positive. I have the most wonderful loving and supportive husband who smiles and laughs and wraps his arms around me. I couldn't make it without him.
I'm not the kind of person who wants long discussions, I'd rather none at all - I'd like to hop on a plane to Hawaii and disappear for a while. Because I know that the first person who asks how the baby is doing will bring me to tears again so I would rather people know.
With all of this, the many tears, the constant reminders, you have to find the purpose and understanding in the disappointment. I know that the trials we go through are intended to make us stronger people. Why do we fall? To get back up again. As I think through the difficulties in my life - from the loss of good friends and relatives, to the grueling hours on the trail - each of those challenges provided me an opportunity for growth. Prince (I know, an odd person to be quoting) once said, "You can't regret anything, it's all part of the experience." I hold that to be true about more than regrets, but all things - we have been given a life full of challenges that make each day worth living, waking up - if only to move past them. And as I look at my challenge, I have to be grateful. I am going through something that so many people experience, and so many people around me understand and can lend support. And this challenge will pass, and our time will come. I have to be grateful that I have a home, a job, an amazing family...I can be grateful that I can paint my bathroom now, and go backpacking this summer (promises have been made).
There is fresh snow on the ground, and the sun is shining.
9 comments:
I'm so sorry Laura. When I saw your title I thought "Oh no, their puppy died," I kinda wish that was what it was now. I too know that there is a time and a place for everything, and you and Art will move forward, but it is okay to be sad for a little while.
oh laura, i am so sorry...having been thru. this, and many years later, i am not sure that there really is ever a "reason" (if that makes sense). i won't preach or be long winded, but WILL say, let yourself grieve as much as you need to and be sad/cry/weep/gnash you teeth for as long as you need to. there is no right or wrong way to walk through personal sorrow....
again, i am so so sorry for you! :O( (we all are, here at the kyle nielson's)
dorien
Oh Laura, there are no words. We have been through this a number of times and I know that there are really know words of comfort. This is your time to grieve. Just know that your time to laugh and sing WILL come as well. This is why we are here, to overcome challenges and my motto a lot of times, which makes Chad mad Is that "sometimes, life sucks" But there will be joy, I PROMISE! Hang in there and know that you are loved by many!
Sorry Laura...I wish I could say something that would make it all ok...but I do know this there is a plan...I questioned it many many times in my 36 years of single life and look at me now married almost 5... OUr thoughts and love are with you and Art.
Emily and Duane
We've spent our lives looking at each other, the two of us, I think. And so much these past five years I have been inspired by your words and your testimony and the way that Heavenly Father uses you because of them. I am certainly inspired now, and amazed at your courage. Your experiences have already made you stronger. So, I guess Prince is right. If we were playing LIFE, I would switch around tiles in a second:) but since I can't, I will just count out with you, in good LIFE fashion, the three or four spots still ahead with chances for those little peanuts. Much love and prayers sent your way. May your tears grow up beautiful flowers.
JEM decided to make me cry.
I have been so sad since I heard. Please know we are thinking of you and wish for peace to be with you very soon. I remember being in your shoes....a long time ago. It's just plain sad and hard and disappointing. You're right....husbands help.
Sending much love, Libbi,Wayne and the kids.
We love you guys. I don't know what you are feeling other than the part that there are reasons for things to happen. I do understand things not working the way you plan. I told Sarah during our visit and she, too, sends her love as did John when we talked today. You two are a great example of love and support. I won't call because I know that won't help you. Just know I am here if you need to talk. I'm sorry so many of you do understand what Laura and Art are feeling.
Love, Aunt Wendy
Laura, I just read your blog and I'm sorry. It brought a tear to my eye, but you are so positive and I'm glad that you can move on! Anybody who can quote Prince in a post like that will be just fine! :)
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